Qualifications

Arguably the most important decision in the next year will be The Hunt For The Next Commissioner.   President Bush and the IRS Oversight Board have agreed on the needed qualifications for the next Commissioner.  Who shall meet those qualifications?

G. Dubya Bush

IRS Oversight Board

One of the earliest candidates was this dog.  After due consideration it was decided that, although he wore a bitchin' t-shirt, he lacked any other qualifications!

Later, some thought was given to people who were involved in volunteer work.  Santa, however, failed the interview.

Some otherwise qualified candidates reacted negatively upon seeing the  IRS' limited compensation package....

Internal candidates were also considered, such as this Service Center Director who used what he considered to be advanced marketing skills to welcome employees to his little sweat shop...

Of course, the search committee did try to enlist qualified female applicants but they seemed to object to the recruiting process....

and most reacted predictably as soon as the chloroform wore off.

There were allegations that female applicants took advantage of the Oversight Committee in order to influence the final decision.  They all successfully  bribed the committee to get out of consideration for the job.

One member of the Committee recounted his thought process for granting one female candidate's request to not be selected for the Commissioner's job.

One promising female candidate reacted eagerly when asked if she wanted to withdraw from further consideration.

Once the competent applicants had been eliminated from consideration, the process moved forward to the final phase of interviews and medical testing.

This guy failed to answer the most basic question.

Another promising candidate, failed the most important part of the Executive Medical Exam.

Another candidate studied the Charles Rossotti Reorganization and expressed skepticism of its merits.

One of the final three, Zigmund Tojo, impressed the committee with his account of how he settled a land dispute on an Hawaiian Pineapple plantation.

Another finalist was, Bonzo, who co-starred with former President, Ronald Reagan, in Bedtime For Bonzo. At the end of his film career Bonzo became a Senior Fellow in the Right Wing Heritage Foundation, specializing in exterminating wildlife to make room for mining interests.  He impressed the committee with his knowledge of tax law, as evidenced with the way he handled the cab ride to the interview.

The third finalist, G. Harry Buttz, a well-known Texas Republican and friend of President Bush, impressed the committee with his business acumen which he acquired while running Enron's Political Action Committee as well as its Accounting Department.  He is seen as a hard-ass who will take no excuses from the workers.

As soon as the decision is announced, we will bring you the rationale for naming the winner of the IRS Commissioner Sweepstakes!

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Based on the reputation of the man actually named, Mark Everson, we believe that our third choice came closest to the Bush Administration's actual candidate.  We fully expect that his primary goal will be to contract out as many federal jobs as his boss wants him to. Asked to comment on hs long term plans for th IRS, Mr. Everson told Congress...